A Travellerspoint blog

Psychoanalyzing Pam

[ reposting from my friendster blog coz this is what i'm feelin' mostly these days ]


i would like to say im bored.

bored with my stale life or maybe bored with my job! i wanted to do something but i can't figure out what it is.

i feel like i had to do something but what? and i feel more to go somewhere but where? im just too bored with my life that i can't help but feel sorry for myself... what a nice attitude considering the lenten reflection that I should be doing...haha

it seems to me that my life is going in circles.. i wake up, eat, go to work, eat, go home, eat and then sleep. the next day i wake up again and do the same things!!! i'm tellin' you im not fascinated!!!! Well, except during my restdays or when i'm on leave... going out with my non-PS friends... out of town travellin' or even as simple as doing DVD marathon alone in my room... that's the only time i don't feel bored and feel contentment with my life.

or maybe im just being childish or too skittish, restive, fidgety... that's all.. yes, i guess i am...

or probably not @#??!!!

maybe im not bored at all.. you know.. maybe it's just a matter of the way i see things.. i had to see it in the right perspective, with depth and understanding... maybe im just creating my own boredom.. what the heck, i've got so much ahead of me to look forward to, how could it possibly be a drag??

urghh!! i hate myself when i act so confused. most of the time i know i'm doing well and almost content on whatever i am doing but.. right now.. i couldn't shake the feeling that something was really wrong. it didn't help to tell myself to be reasonable and calm.. emotions have a life of it's own and mine were in a tumult.





ohw..alright... so maybe i need some advice from a better poet than me huh? (coz mine were hopeless) now..what would Shakespeare say about my situation??? he would probably tell me:

" this above all to thine own self be true" ....

but how can i be true to myself if i dont even know what i want?? Or maybe he'd say:

"the course of thine life never did run smooth"

.. no kidding???!!! it took a bard to figure that out???

well i guess this is a goodtime for me to point out that im not usually so cranky!!! ... in general i have a really upbeat outlook in life... i love my family, i have wonderful friends and a personal relationship with God... so what else do i want???

maybe i just really have to appreciate whatever life i have right now... after all, this is all i've got right??!

why would i fret about something that doesn't even exist??? there are a lot of good things in life that I love...

hmmm, well ... to start i love coffee, i love watching basketball games, i love reading books, eating twister fries, picture taking, i love to attend sfc clp's,watchin' the notebook for the umpteenth time, travelling, listening to lifehouse, jet, coldplay and singing angels or devils from dusk till dawn... and most of all, i love writing (writing on my frienster blog, writing on my endless volumes of journal, writing poems that doesn't even rhyme) ..in fact, i love writing,period... i think im pretty dedicated about keeping my jounal up to date. ive been keeping a journal for years and i've filled almost half a dozen volumes with reflections on my day to day life. Everything is in there: triumphs, disappointments, hopes, dreams, fears, my non-existent lovelife... i understand things better when i write about them...and someday i'd like to try writing poetry and short stories as in yung real thing ha.. i mean i dont necessarily expect to be another JK Rowling or Frances Hodgston Burnette, but i do think i'd like to be somewhat as good as them.. you know, just to play up with my passion in writing sometimes... i know im not good..in fact i think i'm one heck of a frustrated writer.. i didn't even pursue journalism in college and i regret that.. i have no idea how my works could even pass a Pulitzer Prize.

But if hard work counts for anything, i bet someday i'd like to pursue a career in this field and be able to make a living as a writer...

Now, wouldn't that be totally cool !??!!! ;)

Posted by gilmorgirl 08:13 Comments (3)

And now the night is near

....I can make believe he's here.


And I know
It's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself
And not to him.
And although I know that he is blind,
Still I say,
There's a way for us.

I love him...
I love him...
I love him...
But only on my own...


Brandon Boyd and Les Miserables???
............ isn't that ironic?!

Posted by gilmorgirl 07:10 Comments (0)

Healing Thoughts and Lenten Reflection


I’m exhausted. Not from work but from trying to fix things from 9am (manila time hehe) till 12pm yesterday. That’s all I can do. I can only do so much. It is not my job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, life. There is magic in letting go. Sometimes we get what we want soon after we let go. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes the specific outcome we desire doesn’t happen. Something better does. I trust that by letting go, I have started the wheels in motion for things to work out in the best possible way.

The way my life is unfolding is good.

Who I am and the way I do things is good enough for today.

Who I am and the way I did things yesterday was good enough for that day.

Today, I will let go and take in healing thoughts.

Posted by gilmorgirl 05:02 Comments (0)

I HEART Tagaytay!

a pre summer getaway


STRESS...the famous word that everyone dreads...what better way to escape from stress but have a relaxing weekend getaway... monday weekend i mean.. hence, my Tagaytay weekend…It's near, it's cold, it's refreshing, it's beautiful…an overnight stay can actually do something for your body, mind and soul.


It was on a Sunday night that Khelle and I decided to go to Sta. Rosa Laguna and bring Paricce to EK (read:enchanted kingdom) Well, that was the original plan…

Monday…we decided to meet up in Trinoma at 10 in the morning but I was late as usual (what else is new? hehe)

Had lunch at Chef D’ Angelo before we headed off to Buendia Av to take the next bus bound to Balibago. There wasn’t much fuzz with the whole trip except for the ongoing SLEX renovation and with all the other people heading off to their province for holy week, we arrived in Sta. Rosa at around one in the afternoon-nish…and guess what we found out…


“OMG, Khelle sarado pa...eh past 2 na eh.. sbi nila April open na yan ng 2pm, manong driver sarado bah?”

“Hindi ko alam mam eh..ayun tanung ntin sa guard”

Turned out… because it’s already Holy Monday.. EK’s operation will resume on black Saturday.

There was no way that we went all the way there for nothing…
“tara mag swimming na lng tayo.. san ba may malapet na resort dito manong??”

Or better yet.. since we we’re already 2 rides away to Tagaytay….we finally decided to go there with no expectations in mind.
“come on khelle..where’s your sense of adventure?”
Eventually she gave in ‘coz as if she had a choice, andun na kmi eh, hehe.

We first shopped for clothes and undies to help us survive the night out without smelling like we took a Mount Taal trek or something… and headed straight to the station where jeepneys which will brought us to our destination were waiting… (buti na lng cowboy ang mga lola nyo!)

Arrived in Tagaytay late afternoon, we immediately searched for a place to stay and got a quite pricey room at 1500 per night. We didn’t wanna waste out time so we went straight to the Picnic Grove of course, to enjoy and appreciate the beauty of Mt. Taal…..

p-grove.jpg p_grove2.jpg

This pesky small volcano has had a violent past. However, it look so beautiful .. it is indeed a volcano within a volcano, and a lake within a lake... Interesting eh?


We had dinner at the View Park Hotel Resto, I forgot the name, nevertheless food was really good . We ordered Chiken Ginataan sa Adobo and Sinigang sa Misohmmm yummy!

Next day we were up at 5am, took breakfast at Leslie’s..


great food plus you could get a really good view of the volcano…

Then we headed straight to People’s Park in the Sky, bought some “pasalubong” and walk our way up on top of the hill where we enjoyed seeing the rest of Tagaytay City.


All in all we had a pretty good time! Parrice enjoyed it the most and I say, balik Maynila na ulit but even so, i was so thankful to my Tagaytay Weekend Getaway because i felt recharged, refreshed and relaxed…we will definitely go back there some time soon! :)


Posted by gilmorgirl 12:09 Comments (0)

the customer applicant

just for laughs #2


I called a customer service number once and when I didn’t get satisfaction, I asked for a supervisor.

The agent's reply ” There aren’t any here.”

“Well, can I speak to the Call center manager?’
I asked.

“There isn’t one.”

“Well when can I call when one will be around?”

“We don’t have any managers.” the rep replied.

“Sounds like a great place to work. How do I apply for a job?”


Posted by gilmorgirl 12:35 Comments (1)

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

i was browsing on my facebook dot com account when i suddenly came across this online test...

What Pam Means

You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people.
Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems.
Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!


Posted by gilmorgirl 09:10 Comments (1)

Petra Nemcova for Kamiseta

ohw it's fun being a girl!


My friend texted me last night as she passed by EDSA-Guadalupe, she saw daw Petra Nemcova on Kamiseta's humongous billboard ad.
"Ay sus.. tagal tagal ko ng nakita na andun yun noh!" was my only reply.

Yes, Petra the supermodel and host of reality show A Model Life on Discovery Travel and Living is now Kamiseta's latest endorser replacing Kate Hudson.

"parang international model nga sya gurl..pero hindi nman wholesome image nya...she's more like an FHM model don't you think?" she snapped.

" i wonder kung sino namili sa knya... wonder kung anu nanaman masabi ni Joy sa knya"

Joy Ceda, my former HR manager , na naging operations manager... and Shoppes Manila Incorporated aKa KAMISETA ... my very first job after college graduation... she hired me as a Store Supervisor .

Reminscing the days : While lookin' at my freshly printed resume..
"So you're only nineteen (19) years old, fresh grad and a tourism major...do you think you can pretty much handle one of our Kamiseta boutique?"
"Pam, you cannot allow your staff to tell you what to do... you're the supervisor you're suppose to be the one bossing them around and telling them what to do"... "I like your ensembles today..where did you get that top?"

Hayy..that's Joy..always has an opinion on everything, always upfront and always as blunt as Kris Aquino... and so i wonder.. anu naman kaya ma-say nya dyan kay Petra.

Anyway..im just thinking aloud 'coz i have nothing to blog about today.

And goodluck nman sa Kamiseta for their new image model... Haven't won the Retailer of the Year award for quite sometime now.

Posted by gilmorgirl 06:08 Comments (0)

mushy... mushy!


aNd wHeN I c0uNt t0 tHRee...

i h0pE y0u kNow...

i'm wiSHin' f0r y0u & mE!

Posted by gilmorgirl 22:47 Comments (0)

Days of Our Lives

'coz life is a big drama!

If you read my entry entitled wishing and hoping and thinking and praying…, at the time that I wrote it, I was not having the best of days, but I am feeling a lot better now after having two days off from work and a day leave.


I've often choose to blog songs even in my friendster blogsite 'coz I'd always thought that there are special and hidden message behind every lyrics...this time my featured song is Something to Believe In...a song by Aqualung. Heard the song last night and I was like... "I have heard this song before"... yup.. in ONE TREE HILL and it really resonated with me so I looked it up and here's what it's about...


You talk too much.
Maybe that’s your way
Of breaking up the silence
That fills you up.
But it doesn’t sound the same
When no one’s really listening

We stumble into our lives:
Reach for a hand to hold.
And any wonder
We need to find
A certain something, certain.

Turn out the light
And what are you left with?
Open up my hands
And find out they’re empty.
Press my face to the ground
I’ve gotta find a reason.
Just scratching around
For something to believe in:
Something to believe in.

You have too much.
You’re spending all your time
Collecting and discovering
It’s not enough.
And no matter how you try,
You never find the one you want.

We stumble into our lives:
Without a hand to hold.
And any wonder
We need to find
A certain something, certain.

Turn out the light
And what are you left with?
Open up my hands
And find out they’re empty.
Press my face to the ground
I’ve gotta find a reason.
Still scratching around
For something to believe in:
Something to believe in.

I just need something to believe in

C’mon, c’mon [repeats til end]

I have been playing this song over and over today, and every time the lyrics really hit home, and makes me smile and at the same time realize that instead of waiting for something to believe in, I need to BE something to believe in. I have to believe in myself and stop waiting around for someone to believe in me, because you need to be the person that believes in yourself the most. Does that make sense?

We stumble into our lives:
Reach for a hand to hold.
And any wonder
We need to find
A certain something, certain.

That verse really sticks with me every time I play the song, because that described how I feel sometimes. I am stumbling through life trying to find that certain, that something, that certain someone, that certain someplace...I get so frustrated that those things have not come to pass yet, but slowly I am realizing that I have to wait for it, pray for it, and then leave it in God’s hands. Me - agonizing over it everyday is not going to do much for me, but make me feel sad, mad, and wishful. I don’t want to live my life like that. I want to dream... beautiful dreams, go after it and succeed in getting it.

I am done sitting around waiting for someone to pick up the pieces for me, and make everything better because that is just a waste of time, strength, and my life. I need to be the one to pick up the pieces and fix anything that needs to be fixed. I need to be the one that makes my life how I want it to be, and then I will get it with God’s grace and mercy over my life. I’m done with being frustrated, annoyed ,and sad about wanting things and not getting them because it is up to ME to go after what I want, need, and deserve in my life.


You are probably thinking that it is not easy as just saying it, 'coz life is not easy....it is not meant to be easy...but that doesn’t mean the journey cannot be wonderful. When something is really worth it, then it will never be easy. This change requires action on your part. Life doesn’t change if you just sit there, you have to take control and steer against the waves that pass you by.

Extend yourself past your fears and you truly will feel so much more liberated in the end. I know taking that first step can be challenging and that your stomach will be in knots. But if you never take the first step... how will you get up the stairs, how will you open that door to the future?

I am also struggling with that inner fear and those doubts that bring self-confidence to stand still but I am fighting everyday for it to get better. I am trying to love myself and I am trying to stay strong and go after my dreams.

Hopefully...so will you too!


Posted by gilmorgirl 21:33 Comments (0)

WANTED : Perfect Partner!

ONE : Now don't put too much emphasis on the title 'coz I'm really not looking for the "PERFECT" person here. Duh... first of all, they're non-existent. Second even if such person exist, I'm sure taken na lahat yun noh!

And you've guessed it wrong, I am not posting this entry for myself but for my other two friends who are currently unattached but not desperately lookin' for someone either... ( well most of the time ahehe )

Okay, so why post such blog... is the big question!

Hayy.. this is like a total risk for me, 'coz you see... I'm not really sure if they're EY-OKAY with this idea, but I want them so much to be happy... i will do anything and find some reason for them to be one.

The other day, while reading Nicholas Sparks' novel, an idea *ting,ting,ting!!!* just came out of nowhere and so.. I immediately grabbed a pen and began writing a profile for my two good friend.

Ohw alright, enough about my introduction, let's get down to our business.

Anyone who's interested to date....

Our first searcher :

Let's call her E
'coz we dont want to divulge any big info here..we leave that part to their future searchee!

E loves cat... she recently owned one before it died at an early age of _ . She would love to spend time watching movies of all genres or maybe watch some alternative rock bands in Araneta Colliseum. E has an addiction to black chocolate ( eg Meiji ) so hint hint to whoever asks her out for a date. And ooppsss! have I mentioned that she's one half vegetarian... so she doesn't eat pork and beef..chicken and fish lang for her and lotsss of salad! She loves her freedom so much it made her decide to leave home and explore other places on her own
( by the way her family lives from down south where tarsier and chocolate hills are famous for ) She's a future dentist and just biding her time until she gets her liscence.

Who she wants to meet?
Someone who's very much willing to sweep her off her feet. Hehe
Has a good sense of humor. Someone who can speaks his mind about anything and everything under the sun. Someone who's not afraid to explore the world with her. Physically... any guy who can carry himself well.

OKAY! so were half way done!

Here's our second searcher :


Let's call him PRSF!
'coz sa sobrang haba ng name nya, ginawa ko na lng initials..yes ganyan po kahaba ang name nya!

If you want a tall, moreno, long-haired-athletic guy.. i bet you would find a way to date this dude! He's a law major in one of the University in Manila. As i have already mentioned, he's very athletic so he's fond of playing basketball and soccer! He would love to trek mountains with you if he's not reading some state preamble sa mga spare time nya.

Who he wants to meet?

According to his txt messages, a little bit conservative but at times wild, a bit classy and a bit cowboy.. has a good combination of wit and humor. Fun and easy to get along with, so in short Ms. Congeniality itoh. Physically.... like E's ... someone who can carry herself well under any circumstance! hehe.

So I guess, with all my effort to put this altogether, you can pretty much picture how wonderful these persons are not to get a date in the near future right?!

C'mon... they are imaginatively up-4-grabs! *wink,wink*

So anyone who's interested just give me a beep... i'm just a text away for their digit...or message me via friendster ayt?!

WARNING: for unattached person only!
and no axe murderer plz. *LOL*

Posted by gilmorgirl 08:17 Comments (2)

I am not SANDO BOY

a friend's cry for help!!!

I came across this blogsite link -> www.callcentercon.travellerspoint.com
(ooOopss, xori but I'm not advertising buqui's web blog..hehe)

The link were spread around the expedia floor and since I am fond of writting my own blog and with everyone reading all the entries, i guess a little curiousity wouldn't kill me so go0oo!


Funny, witty thoughts... I - myself became addicted reading each and every entry on his blog.

Isa na dun yung Sando Boy, Oh Comfort Me!
read : http://callcentercon.travellerspoint.com/149/

Anyhoo-haw, upon reading it, 1st person that came into my mind was my friend MNL-MC ... and little did I know that each and everyone who already read the entry thought that it was him for sure.

"promise, hindi talaga ako yun.. bakit, ako lang ba ang nagsasando sa Expedia??!!"

And everyone on that corner, the whole oklahoma team and even other people listening the conversation joined and chorused : "oo kaya! ikaw tlga yun!"

Everyday, it was the usual teasing that he got from us... but he took them in with all smile, simply denying that it was not him.

Till one day, he approached my station grinning widely and confirmed "Ei alam mo ba nakasalubong ko si buquee, tapos nag smile xa sakin sabay sabi, Ui hindi ikaw si Sando Boy huh... wala lng, nakakatuwa... sana maniwala na kayo di bah yung author na mismo ang nag-confirm!"

And from that day on.. we decided to give him the benefit of the doubt he's always askin' from us.

Xori M! =P


Posted by gilmorgirl 07:19 Comments (1)


The reason this song is so close to my heart, is because that is exactly how I feel about this guy I know. I wish I could just be like “Hey! I like you….no..no I really like you.” I wish I had that kind of confidence and courage to put my heart out on the line and deal with the aftermath of those spoken words. However, since I only have one heart, I try my best to guard it from the bitterness of rejection.... *sigh*



She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile
She’ll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by
And you can’t see me wantin you the way you want her
But you are everything to me

And I just wanna show you
She don’t even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible

There’s a fire inside of you that can’t help but shine through
She’s never gonna see the light
No matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we could be

Like shadows in a faded light
Oh we’re Invisible
I just wanna look in your eyes and make you realize

I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
Baby let me love you let me want you
You just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible

She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile.

Posted by gilmorgirl 14:29 Comments (1)

take it away Brandon!

The return of the comeback of Incubus

i keep trying to convince myself that march 9 isn't a big deal, because i know if i don't get myself to behave i'll go nuts with anticipation...hehe!


i think everyone who will come and watch the concert shares the same sentiments of buying the tickets but not minding it ayt?! after all, there's no denying that Incubus is INCUBUS period...need i say more???

if it's going to be Lifehouse, Pearl Jam or a Coldplay gig for that matter then they will be my second best choice.. but oh well... we have them here! LIVE @ the Big Dome!

I was not able to catch these guys in 2004..but yahooo... there's no backing out now. already got tickets!


Posted by gilmorgirl 07:00 Comments (1)

wishing and hoping and thinking and praying…

-17 °C

“The credit belongs to the person who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes up short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms; the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” ~Teddy Roosevelt


…I really love that song from the movie My Best Friend's Wedding sung by Dusty Springfield. And this quote by Teddy Roosevelt. Wow!

For some reason, it always gives me inspiration.

Inspiration in the form of "if you want something bad enough, it is not going to happen unless you put heart and soul, and blood, sweat, and tears into it"....Wanting it, wishing for it and doing it are different things.


And, folks, the question truly is "how bad do I want it?"

I want to do something but WHAT?? I wanted to go somewhere but WHERE?


Am i actually making any sense???

Posted by gilmorgirl 08:28 Comments (0)

All is well that Ends well...

(at least according to Shakespeare! Hahaha!)


"Hindi mu pa din ba ako ite-text?? Let bygones be bygones di bah? "

This is the message I received from Ashton a day after I published my blog entry entitled Little Prince (sequel ng That 70's Show) So technically this is part III na hahaha!

"Talagang may sequel pa yung blog mu di bah" he said almost sheepishly.

"Hehe, yeah.. actually I'm on my way to write part III" I joked.

But.. as I write this down... I guess hindi nah jowk ang part III... hehe xori Ry!



It is just a simple case of friendship miscommunication that eventually led us to finally meet after God knows how long.

I wrote the first part thinkin' "Hmmm, right..so we're not okay now and hindi na kami friendship"

I didn't intentionally wrote the entry for him to read. But writing is something that I'm really fond of doing and as an outlet, I just wanna let it all out.. I have no idea that He would find time or even have an interest to read my blog...but He did. Well big thank's to his gesture, if it weren't for that, we never would've made it last wednesday afternoon (kahit sobrang short nung time coz I still have to run some errands for my mom)

Now Ry.. h'wag ka'na magtampo sakin huh... I was... by the way elated with all those handful advise you gave me... In fairness my point ka... Yeah.. I really should be doing something with my dilemma! I need some clarity.

Now what about these moments of clarity I'm talking about? Sometimes you don't get to those moments without a push from someone else.

Well, I got my push...

"Dapat kasi, may inspiration para sumaya kaunti buhay" Ry suggested.

He said something that has been on my mind but words wont come out of my mouth. He said something about people doing the same things but expecting different results.

Am I that worried about rejection that's why I still haven't taken a chance?

"Minsan kasi, mas maganda yung hndi pina-plano..kung gusto mo mag-resign eh di mag-resign ka... mag pahinga ka for a week tapos after nun saka mo gawin yung gusto mong gawin" I don't exactly remember his very own words pero tumatak naman sa isip ko yung advise nyang yun!

If I never take some risk, how can I expect anything to change right? If I never step up to the plate and meet new people, how can I expect to move outside my circle of friends? But now, I see Ry's point... If I want something to happen, I cannot just keep following the same routine and expect different results. I have to change my ways and make new opportunities that will lead me to different paths.

I know, it is EASIER SAID THAN DONE. *sigh*
Why is it so much easier to write about taking these actions than actually doing them? Why is it easier to keep sitting on the sidelines than to actually go the field? And why is it much easier to complain about things we could change, than to go ahead and change them?

Is this ringing any bells? Tsk tsk tsk... hayy, I really need to decide now...but HOW SOON IS NOW?
Is it really part of life to question or whine this much? Or am I just being abnormally difficult? I sometimes feel like I make my life harder than it has to be.

Okay, so back to wanting results when I'm not changing my inputs; it doesn't have to be a big endeavor. It can be as simple as getting up at a certain time everyday so I can go to the gym to finally taking the steps I have always needed.. or wanted..hehe. I really have to go after that dream, that love, that happiness , that passion or whatever it is my heart and mind have been longing for!

Hahaha...enough about these musings... well, if it weren't for that coffee afternoon with Ry, I never would've let myself ponder on these thoughts and I never would've realized the reason for my unhappiness.. At least we won back our friendship.


And the rest... they say was history....

A toast for our renewed friendship! It has been tested but we survived... hope it lasts.... and I am looking forward getting to know you much better.


Goodluck to your finals my future lawyer friend! =D

Posted by gilmorgirl 18:53 Comments (0)

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