[ reposting from my friendster blog coz this is what i'm feelin' mostly these days ]
i would like to say im bored.
bored with my stale life or maybe bored with my job! i wanted to do something but i can't figure out what it is.
i feel like i had to do something but what? and i feel more to go somewhere but where? im just too bored with my life that i can't help but feel sorry for myself... what a nice attitude considering the lenten reflection that I should be doing...haha
it seems to me that my life is going in circles.. i wake up, eat, go to work, eat, go home, eat and then sleep. the next day i wake up again and do the same things!!! i'm tellin' you im not fascinated!!!! Well, except during my restdays or when i'm on leave... going out with my non-PS friends... out of town travellin' or even as simple as doing DVD marathon alone in my room... that's the only time i don't feel bored and feel contentment with my life.
or maybe im just being childish or too skittish, restive, fidgety... that's all.. yes, i guess i am...
or probably not @#??!!!
maybe im not bored at all.. you know.. maybe it's just a matter of the way i see things.. i had to see it in the right perspective, with depth and understanding... maybe im just creating my own boredom.. what the heck, i've got so much ahead of me to look forward to, how could it possibly be a drag??
urghh!! i hate myself when i act so confused. most of the time i know i'm doing well and almost content on whatever i am doing but.. right now.. i couldn't shake the feeling that something was really wrong. it didn't help to tell myself to be reasonable and calm.. emotions have a life of it's own and mine were in a tumult.
"JUST THINK, HOW TERIBBLY LIFE WOULD BE
IF WE NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO
HOW TRULLY FORTUNATE YOU AND ME
ALIVE AND ABLE TO DIVE IN ENTHUSIASTICALLY"
ohw..alright... so maybe i need some advice from a better poet than me huh? (coz mine were hopeless) now..what would Shakespeare say about my situation??? he would probably tell me:
" this above all to thine own self be true" ....
but how can i be true to myself if i dont even know what i want?? Or maybe he'd say:
"the course of thine life never did run smooth"
.. no kidding???!!! it took a bard to figure that out???
well i guess this is a goodtime for me to point out that im not usually so cranky!!! ... in general i have a really upbeat outlook in life... i love my family, i have wonderful friends and a personal relationship with God... so what else do i want???
maybe i just really have to appreciate whatever life i have right now... after all, this is all i've got right??!
why would i fret about something that doesn't even exist??? there are a lot of good things in life that I love...
hmmm, well ... to start i love coffee, i love watching basketball games, i love reading books, eating twister fries, picture taking, i love to attend sfc clp's,watchin' the notebook for the umpteenth time, travelling, listening to lifehouse, jet, coldplay and singing angels or devils from dusk till dawn... and most of all, i love writing (writing on my frienster blog, writing on my endless volumes of journal, writing poems that doesn't even rhyme) ..in fact, i love writing,period... i think im pretty dedicated about keeping my jounal up to date. ive been keeping a journal for years and i've filled almost half a dozen volumes with reflections on my day to day life. Everything is in there: triumphs, disappointments, hopes, dreams, fears, my non-existent lovelife... i understand things better when i write about them...and someday i'd like to try writing poetry and short stories as in yung real thing ha.. i mean i dont necessarily expect to be another JK Rowling or Frances Hodgston Burnette, but i do think i'd like to be somewhat as good as them.. you know, just to play up with my passion in writing sometimes... i know im not good..in fact i think i'm one heck of a frustrated writer.. i didn't even pursue journalism in college and i regret that.. i have no idea how my works could even pass a Pulitzer Prize.
But if hard work counts for anything, i bet someday i'd like to pursue a career in this field and be able to make a living as a writer...
Now, wouldn't that be totally cool !??!!!